PALAVERING WITH BEULAH: Porchsittin’

Published 9:46 am Tuesday, March 23, 2021

By Beulah Rampage Fishbite

Here I am in Colorado enjoying the mountain vistas, the graceful prairie, the wonderful grandchildren and not quite enjoying the thin air. It was really cold when I first arrived but has been steadily warming.

Being the ole porch sitter that I have come to be I decided that the back patio over looking the prairie expanse would do for a good sit.

So, I rounded up a big ole rocking chair and wrestled it out there. I put it right on the edge of the patio where there was a rip-rap (big stones) covered hill to the lower back yard.

The sun hit me fine, but this is Colorado and it is only January, it was cold.  But, I just had to sit out there.

So, I found one of those long orange extension cords in the garage and an electric blanket in the linen closet. I even got a pillow off my bed.

You’d have thought I was running a nursing home for myself, but I wanted to sit out and enjoy the day. I mean, I am a dedicated porch sitter!

So, there I was all snuggled in, had a book and thermo coffee cup, I was warm as could be in the sun under my giant heating pad.

I fell asleep.

The blanket was so big that part of it was over the rip-rap covered hill. The book was good, but the sun and the heat lured me into snores.

Finally I woke up.

I could feel what seemed like added weight on my foot. Too drowsy to take it seriously, I casually looked down and there, as purdy as could be was a big ole fat sleepy rattlesnake up out of the rip-rap and on my foot.

My Depends failed.

In my panic (we never think we will panic) I threw the blanket over the sparkly visitor, and, yes, without my cane or walker made record time into the back door and that included two steps without a railing.

My heart was pounding. I could not find enough of that Colorado air to meet my needs.  It was awful. That was one scary moment.

I had awakened the rascal by warming the rocks with my innovative napping device. I unplugged it in the garage.

Porch sitting can be hard on an old lady.